Hotel.

I haven’t done any formal studies on this, but I think I’m in the minority when I say that I really love living in hotels. Notice I say living, not staying. I’m territorial with a vengeance, so short of marking my own territory in the traditional canine sense, let’s just say I really know how to make myself at home.

My general philosophy is “home is where I’ve unpacked my suitcase.” Even though every girl fell in love with the book Eloise, I find that most people are always talking about how excited they are to get home. Why? So I can go back to opening my mail, doing laundry, and cleaning my own bathroom? No thanks. I remember being in Israel last year and people were drooling on about how much they missed the United States, and macaroni and cheese. Sacrilege. You had to crowbar me out of the Promised Land.

I’m not big into luxury hotels—that’s not necessary, but there are a few elements that make a hotel a delightful home.

-Wifi. A necessity. Charging for it is so ten years ago, Motel 6.

-Mini-fridge not stocked with overpriced rubbish I don’t want (also very 90’s). I just want the space.

-Microwave.

-A French press and coffee grinder (I’ve yet to find this)

-Cupboards (I have to hand it to the Hampton Inn in Lawrenceville GA—other than having a really piss-poor breakfast bar, they really knew how to set you up. Practically a kitchen in each room. I’d live there. And then make some unsolicited suggestions to the kitchen staff.)

-A good breakfast spread with plain Greek yogurt, fresh berries, hardboiled eggs (peeled!) and a DIY espresso bar. Props Grace Hotel NYC, I’ll make myself at home with you later this summer.

-Massive bathroom counter space.

-Large desk with comfortable chair (score again Hampton Inn). It’s not home if I can’t work there. And it doesn’t matter what the purpose of my trip. Could be my honeymoon—I want a desk, chair, and Wifi.

-Brand-name bathroom products. Holiday Inn Express in South Bend, Indiana had Bath & Body Works products. Brilliant. I mean, who knows what’s in those blue shampoos, and soap that turns your hands to sandpaper? C’mon.

-Windows that open. That shouldn’t be as hard to come by as it is.

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8 thoughts on “Hotel.

  1. Sorry to disappoint, but the room we love at the Grace with the bunks that will accommodate our sister group isn’t available…Hyatt at Grand Central-Here we come! I think we can agree the Hyatt is conveniently located to all the places we love to go.

    • I appreciate your efforts to put a positive spin on this, Carey, but I think you’ll agree, this isn’t exactly an issue of location. However, even though I’ll sorely miss the DIY espresso bar, foreign clientele, and peeled eggs, my sense of adventure is up for the challenge. How long were you planning to wait to break the sad news?

  2. I think if you find a hotel that has a French press and coffee grinder you will move in there. Micah would support that.

    • When you say “support that” would you happen to be speaking in the financial sense? I mean, I’m quite sure this is something that could be arranged.

  3. I can totally agree, from first hand experience, with your statement that where ever you unpack your suitcase, you consider home. You “set up shop” in a matter of minutes, and somehow, as my head spins to keep up with you, you have taken over my kitchen, bathroom (unless of course you plan to just use all of my products), most of the bedroom, and for sure my side of the bed. Who does that when they are a guest? And then has the audacity to act as though I am completely inconveniencing her when I ask her to shove over. I won’t even start on what goes missing from my closet. But all in all, I love having you as a guest and mostly, I just get a kick out of your endearing idiocsyncracies.

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