I’m going to put it out there right up front. This post is about underwear. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air-inspired title might have already tipped you off. But if you are a transplant from the Victorian era and offended by talk of undergarments, then click your way out of here now. You’ve been forewarned.

Most people are picky about their pantaloons so I’m nothing special there. And some of us might wish the wearing of such weren’t the deeply-ingrained social convention it is. (Not naming any names). A few years ago I came upon the greatest underwear this girl has ever known. Got them at Costco. Seem a little lowbrow? Maybe so, but if we did a secret poll, I bet there are a lot more satisfied Costco underwear shoppers than anywhere else. Yes, I’m talking about you, worthless Victoria’s Secret. But even the best Costco underwear can’t be made to last much more than three or four years of consistent wear. Eventually I had to put the last pair out to pasture.

Underwear buying is a major anxiety for me. Everyone is of course concerned about the binding factor, commonly known as the wedgie or the snuggie. That’s bad news. But I find the bigger issue is the waistband. I buy my underwear at least one size too large because if that band starts to cut into my hips causing even a hint of that unsightly ‘spillover’,  I just lose it. So I stand in the underwear section trying to look into my crystal ball and predict what is going to happen to these suckers once they hit the dryer. And what does a size 5 really mean? It seems to have no discernible correlation to dress or pant size whatsoever. It’s an unhelpful number; might as well be size 62 or 105 for all it tells me about how they’re actually going to fit. That which looks so inviting in the package could be pure disappointment in the wearing. And I don’t have the kind of cash to just be throwing it away on bad briefs.

We all have our underwear issues. Maybe we don’t talk about them at the dinner table (unless you’re my family), but we certainly think about it, face it, struggle with it. So when you finally land on the perfect pair (which hopefully came in a package of friends just like it in different colors), you want to sing it from the rooftops. Here it is: Boy shorts. I never would have imagined I would go in this direction, but on a recent trip to Costco, I noticed a reasonably priced three-pack and I lingered there for some minutes thinking it through. Boy shorts? What would my sisters say? Is there some stigma attached to boy shorts that I don’t know about? I’m going to be traveling with those vultures this summer. Am I going to get made fun of? What will I actually think of them? I can’t bring them back. Finally I decided to make the $9.99 commitment and I threw them in my cart.

Friends, I have hit the underwear trifecta. My life has been changed, if even in a small way. Boy shorts are to women what the boxer brief was to men. No wedgies, no spillover, no lines!  I don’t know who thought them up, but that genius deserves the knickers-of-the-year award. Everything I never knew I always wanted. I’m converted.


10 thoughts on “Draws.

  1. Ok, maybe the secret is buying them one size too big, but I have always found boy shorts to be the cause of a virtually constant wedgie. I make every effort to avoid them and would never be willing to buy a pair. But perhaps I just need to figure out the sizing… Glad you got this important discussion started.

    • Wedgie has not been a part of my experience, even in this short week of wear. I think you must go up a size. Most of the world is probably wearing the wrong size underwear. They won’t fall off. Trust me.

  2. BOY SHORTS–NO WEDGIE?! How pray tell is your butt shaped?! Boys shorts are second only to thongs in the wedgie department. I would call them the vice president of wedgies.

    And you just had to go and say that you wear size 5. I squeeze into a 7, which for those who don’t know what panty sizes indicate, 7 = ginormous booty. Decades ago one of my progeny asked me why my butt hangs down on my thighs.

    Granny panties are the only way to go.

    • To set the record straight: I most certainly do not wear a 5. I was using that as a hypothetical to show how worthless the panty sizing system is. I’m a 7 through and through, which evidently also means I’m ‘large.’ Well, if they say so. Boy shorts are wedgie free. From the comments posted, I am beginning to wonder if this might not be a genetic issue specific to your family…

  3. Maybe it is a genetic thing because I forwarded this post to Emma, and she agreed with me that boy shorts are a source of major wedgies. By the way, why are we the only people who have commented?

    • Well, because your family and my family basically constitutes my loyal readership and my family usually comments a few days late. I’m starting to think I am the weird one now because I don’t get the wedgie. Hmm…will have to run this by my sisters…

  4. Okay, i’ll throw my genes into the pool since I’m not related to any of you. But I agree. I do tend to get wedgies with boy shorts, though I have to admit that I haven’t found any snug ones. My current underwear of choice are perhaps close to boy shorts in that they cover the full behind and don’t leave much hanging out. I am totally wedgie free with these Hanes and I’m loving them. But I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve bought underwear at Costco more than once and was happy with my purchases. Perhaps I’ll have to check into this boy shorts thing. Plus you are now making me start to think that I always buy underwear that are too small. You are certainly about my size and i don’t wear a 7. Perhaps I should try up a size.

  5. Well, I consider myself somewhat of an undies expert, as I own over 200 pairs. And that is post drawer cleanout and giveaway. I have to admit, I have never had the pleasure of costco underware on my booty, but I would be willing to give it a try. Jacks, maybe when you come home, we can have a session about the best underware for every occasion, although I really am a “switch your underware for different outfits” type of gal.

    • I await that session with great anticipation. Maybe we should save it for a dinner topic in Lanesboro–I am sure the girls will be itching to get in on just that sort of substance-less conversation. Or maybe round the breakfast table at the B&B, especially if we have some stodgy companions.

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